go!

when you just pack up your bags and go…

when you temporarily forget the messes/backlogs/issues you left behind because they’d still be there when you get back anyway…

when you walk for hours and feel the wind on your face and ignore the little nagging compulsion to find an internet shop to check your mail…

when you get to feed your senses with the sights, smells, sounds, tastes, and sensations of the exciting and the unknown…

when you enjoy yourself thoroughly and think, why don’t i do this more often?



damn, i'd really have to be super efficient in managing my time and finish all these to-do stuff by today…

The mountain and I are one

Let me tell you something about climbing mountains, and this is coming from someone who has tried and done this only once. Climbing mountains does not just involve strength and endurance, as I initially supposed. It involves skill as well. It takes skill to walk on steep slopes, put your foot on loose ground, and not come tumbling down. It takes skill to haul yourself up piles of rock and find spaces for your feet among the crags. Skill, and a certain kind of courage, or maybe faith, that gravity will not take you down the mountain as it has every right to do.

Climbing mountain was one of those things that were in my “nice to do” things, but I never really gave it much serious thought until recently. It seemed to be too complicated – the equipment too expensive, the environment too cold and/or wet, both of which are conditions that I hate, plus I’m not even sure if I have the will-power to keep on going when I get too tired – but all those stuff got swept away last weekend, and all that was left was the nervous but excited feeling as I sat atop the jeep cruising along ravines and mountain sides. It felt, needless to say, amazing!

It was all that a great weekend ought to be – a new adventure, a perfect place, with perfect weather, and the perfect company. Add a little bonus of finding the perfect outdoor facilitators, enjoying a perfect blend of hot mountain-brewed coffee, and meeting cool new friends, and the magical combination whirls into place.

Memorable moments:

• Meeting in person the legendary Boboy Francisco and cohorts of UPM and Bomika;
• Top loading (that’s the term they used) on the jeep, with the cold mountain air and the perfect view of the mountains and Ambuklao River;
• Making new friends especially with Jay (who fondly calls me Totoy), Dada (my newly adopted kapatid), Mel and Rhea;
• Deepening old ties with Ruth;
• Making fun of Elsbeth at numerous occasions (pang-blackmail material) but at the same time learning to respect the sheer power of the human spirit;
• Being humbled at my own insignificance in this universe seeing the vastness of a pitch-black night sky studded with millions and millions of stars and the surreal beauty of the sunrise and the summit view that no painting/photo can do justice;
• And experiencing first-hand how experience can change perspective, like it did mine.
  

two letters

in the next two or three months, I expect to receive one of these two letters. not written exactly like this, definitely, but this would pretty much do for the purpose.

Letter Possibility #1:

Dear Ms. Reyes,

Congratulations! You can now move on and plan the rest of your life (or year, at least) because you didn’t get the Netherlands grad school scholarship you’ve been angling for this past month or so. Did you really think you would get it? Huh. Well, it’s over. That ship has sailed. For your peace of mind, we suggest that you just keep those university acceptance letters for posterity, and destroy this scholarship rejection letter away immediately after reading it.

On the bright side, there’s no worry now that you would have to forfeit seeing the children err… puppies grow. Also, there is still that possibility of going in to culinary school. Good thing you took that leap of faith and went ahead renovating your kitchen, anyway.

Thanks for bothering, and good luck with the rest of your life.

Sincerely,
Scholarship People

Letter Possibility #2:

Dear Ms Reyes,

Congratulations! Your decision not to move on with your life and slacking off for much of last year is now justified, as you have been accepted for the grad school scholarship for the term starting this September. You can now start worrying about the costs of your apartment, dog food, credit card dues and initial living expenses, because we definitely won’t be paying for those. You have to get your ass over here first before we start paying your bills. Don’t you now wish that you saved up, and skipped your recent trips abroad so you’d at least have some savings?

You should also now start (if you haven’t already, which we suspect to be the case) reading up on stuff related to your degree program on Sustainable Development and Natural Resources Management, as your experience and knowledge on this area is woefully inadequate (we’re actually not sure what we’re thinking, giving you this scholarship).

Please let us know whether you’ll be able to make it after all.

Sincerely,
Scholarship People

i suspect that it would be letter #1; odds and logic definitely warrant it. Ii’s just that – HOPE, you know? – it’s there. sticky and clammy and nervous, but it’s there. i can’t tell it to go away and not be so stupid.

either way can be good for me, really. i know i can make it even without an international graduate degree (besides, I still have my overdue thesis to graduate with an MA in urban planning. my life may even be more interesting. but still…

sigh. I hate not knowing.

2008 nostalgia

Work-related:

* Spending most of the year working on field projects had its advantages and disadvantages. Either way, I’m glad I took the plunge and did it--- yet again. In spite of my constant rantings that I hate work-related travels (early mornings at the airport, long dusty rides, cold showers, etc.), I really see no other alternative for me, I do love this kind of job without the permanent confines of a tiny square cubbie.

* I'm still reconciling the truth of having been psychologically-rewarded but I was indeed --financially (by standards).

* People in the office that I can (surprisingly) consider not just colleagues, but friends.

Travels:

* Seeing Angkor Wat at sunrise. The whole Cambodia trip was actually the highlight of the year. Definitely an unforgettable journey. While Angkor Wat is the most popular of the temple complexes, other temples such as the Bayon, Angkor Thom (as seen in Tomb Raiders) and Bantay Srei (forgot the names of the other temples) were all splendid. The sense of culture and the craftsmanship of the Khmer people are just admirable. Even the darkness during Pol Pot's regime cannot overshadow this majestic remnants of a great civilization.

* Haggling at the night market in Cambodia and Chatuchak weekend market in Thailand. I’m still not absolutely cutthroat at it but I’m getting there.

* Walking up and down Nai Lert Lane in Bangkok simply taking in the sights and sounds and smells and enjoying delicious street food.

* Sampling tasty travel treats! fresh sugar cane juice in Kuala Lumpur, extra-spicy tom yum soup in Bangkok, steamed crabs in Misamis Occidental, bagnet in Vigan, Khmer noodles in Siem Reap, etc…


Miscellaneous:

* Getting SVIP tickets for the Eraserheads reunion concert from a "kapuso" who happens to be a "kapamilya" of the Ely Buendia.

* Attending various Centennial-related events at UP Diliman: the kick-off ceremony, several UP Centennial speeches and of course the Lantern Parade.

* Finally getting my BA Sociology diploma. For the longest time, I thought the College Secretary already had it shredded to pieces.

* Discovering new friendships and deepening old ones. Though I can and should do better at this, medyo umiiral ang mga anti-social tendencies.

* Finishing a World Bank Institute course on disaster danagement. Learnings on DM, climate change and photography.

* Pursuing the continuing addiction to House MD, Jack Johnson, Urbandub, Nick Hornby, etc..

* Spending another year with boyps with a lot of warmth (and freebies and happy thoughts and freebies :D) and no major fights. I wonder whether the law of averages will soon catch up with us.

it's not brave if you're not scared

I’ve been playing Green Day over and over for the past hour particularly that Good Riddance (Time of your Life), which is not really a good sign, because it means that I’m scared shitless but nevertheless trying to convince myself that everything will turn out fine. It’s a new year (amidst a global financial crisis), and while a huge part of me is awash with optimism and excitement and all that (Hello Mr. Pres. Obama), there’s also that small, nagging part of me that’s, well, scared shitless.

But hey, there’s that line from the movie Bounce.

Okay, okay. In plain words, I basically go all time-of-your-life-ish every time I am met with a fork in the road (like switching jobs, moving on... but mostly switching jobs). This is just me feeling the pressure of having to prove myself and live up to expectations, and the thought of starting all over.

P.S. While I don’t exactly count Bounce as one of my all-time favorite movies, it is the source of two classic lines: the one above, and “I want someone to say goodnight to, a last call of the day. I don’t have a last call of the day. Do you?”

That line was just pure torture.

Naks. ume-EMO!

2008 in RED

2008 was largely spent seeing red. Not the kind that induces sickening sweet little nothings and fluffy, lacy hearts. This is the kind of red that draws blood. The one that appears with a flash across your eyes coupled with feelings of rage or anger or general frustration; hence, the lack of updates or posts of any sorts. I don’t even know how it happened because as far as I know, I don’t fit the definition of a workaholic and/or a complainer for that matter. I just got drowned with so much goings on.

But that was 2008. And if I'm gonna look back at how it was, there would be a lot of nostalgic moments that are worth blogging about. I'll try to make time and catch up with the blogging like I used to and find words that I somehow feel that I lost.